Couple Counselling
Supporting couples to build a thriving, sustainable and meaningful relationship…
Couple Counselling in Halifax
A Relate trained counsellor, I offer couple counselling and safe space to support couples come to terms with, explore how their behaviors/interventions affect/impact the relationship they’re in and what consideration each individual can make to improve the relationships outcomes.
I primarily work on the basis of building foundations to support the relationship, identifying expectations of the relationship, and each other, developing growth in communication and hearing, not necessarily listening. Evaluating intimacy, impacts of trauma and personal growth within and outside the relationship, so all individuals in that relationship can feel validated, heard and understood. It is in developing expectations and through effective communication we can identify support needs and explore how each individual in that relationship can than support the other through appreciation, validation, loyalty, or intimacy.
In addition we work with the idea of understanding our lines in the sand, our ability to agree to disagree, our ability to let go, and compromise.
I draw on a number of methods to work with clients from Emotionally focused therapeutic interventions, Gottman’s solution for conflict management, and a solution focused approach.
Dealing with Conflict
Helping couples cope with conflict and learn skills to effectively respond…
Learning to deal with conflict can be challenging especially if over time as a couple we have lost sight of the ability to effectively communicate and hear what each person is saying without responding in a defensive manor or falling into a perpetual cycle of blame.
I work with you to evaluate your communication and its impact and explore opportunities to improve this so you can start to develop healthier channels of communication that is effective and supportive of each other. We also explore what individuals past experiences contribute to how they respond so as not to take things personally.
Often it is the case of changing the narrative of the stories headline so communication becomes more inclusive rather than accusatory, or defensive.
Dealing with Affairs/Betrayal
Supporting couples to see the worth in each other again...
A difficult chair to sit in for each individual, and evaluate the why, - why did I do it, and why me… We create a non judgmental and safe space to sit with the shame, experience the hurt and try to understand some the challenges that bought you both here.
And in the process we attempt to scope potential to build trust, create expectations, intimacy and build the relationship repairing the pain caused by the actions of their partner.
In some cases it is deemed to difficult to move past a certain point and partners may feel the only option is to separate in which case we can work with the feelings this evokes and evaluate how each person may be supported in this circumstance.
Trauma bonding in relationships
Trauma bonds commonly form as a result of abusive relationships. They are surface level feelings of attachment, and intimacy that can result from an abusive cycle with in a relationship. In a trauma bond, partners feel they have an emotional connection even though the relationship is harmful.
We can help the victimised person work through the fears holding them in an abusive and evaluate their self worth. And in addition work with the perpetrator to evaluate impacts of their behavior and potential for change, as well as explore their self worth in terms of what happened to them. It is not uncommon for a perpetrator to have experience abuse themselves (learned behavior) or come from a broken family or challenging abusive childhood.
3 C’ and what it takes
Because you're worth it…
Building a relationship takes commitment, continuity and care, attention to detail on all levels, the ability to not only listen but to hear, to appreciate, the desire to want to share with you , and most of all be there, be present to accept you, accept us, to acknowledge you, acknowledge us, and to support you and us, because I can and care, because you’re my bestie, my one and only and you will always be worth it…
Intergenerational/ Generational & childhood trauma
Intergenerational trauma is the passing down of emotional and behavioral reactions to traumatic events ( which can include sexual abuse, domestic violence, cultural trauma ie racism homophobia, neglect, separation, historical trauma ie war, slavery, holocaust, natural disasters, and poverty, etc, ) from one generation to the next. This may influence how our parents or predecessors transfer/impose their protective behaviors/expectations related to their lived experience through learned behaviors. Ie don’t trust … or talk to strangers, we are less worthy, we still have unresolved issues relating to…very similar to superstition.
ACES, childhood trauma is the affect or impact of a personal trauma due to childhood experiences. As a result of our experiences we most likely develop behaviors which enable our survival mode to kick in, in order to protect ourselves or for our self preservation. This may influence how we trust other people, how we seek approval, validate ourselves, and as a result of our lived experiences we may become withdrawn, anxious, hyper vigilant, or thrash out.
Trauma can manifest in various ways such as anxiety, depression/PTSD, low self esteem, mistrustful, and result in adopting unhealthy strategies/ behaviors to cope such as addiction- drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping, abuse, violence, controlling coercive, sabotaging, eating disorders, self harm, etc.
All of these will affect or impact our ability to form relationships, create bonds or attachments, to some extent and it is important to recognise when and how our behaviors – even though protective to us, may have an impact on others. Talking and exploring our trauma will help us identify what we as individuals contribute to the relationship to ensure it is healthy